Speaking of Kids...

Does anyone else remember that rumor about Lil Bow Wow getting raped by his limo driver? Of all the celebrity sex tapes that are out there now, where's that one?

Missed Out

If I had known about all the hot kid sex that takes place in college sports, I would have tried a lot harder in gym class.

Chick-Fil-Boner

Chick-Fil-A always seems to be employed by Christian-looking teenagers. Naturally, I think about having sex with them the entire time I'm in there. Or, I think about making crucifix-shaped chicken strips. I always ask for extra Polynesian sauce in case either scenario eventually plays out.

Nip/Tuck

I'm sorry, are we really supposed to be impressed by the chimp lady's new face? She looks like a Lego person that was left next to a hot desk lamp for too long.

Biggest Loser Was Enough

How much longer do we have to pretend that it's OK to have fat people on television? Didn't we prove we're progressive enough by electing a black guy as President?

Two Birds, One Stone

Fucking a pregnant chick counts as a threesome, so if you fuck one and a threesome is on your bucket list, go ahead and cross it off. However, it's only technically a threesome, so if fucking a baby is also on your bucket list, you'll need to do that separately.  

Go Football

I've never been a fan of college football, but lately, every time I read about Penn State's program I get a giant, throbbing erection, so I think I'm starting to come around.

Marty McAntsInHisPants

We're just as disappointed that Hoverboards haven't been invented yet as you are that a cure for Parkinson's hasn't been invented yet.

That's Amore

It's a shame these two couldn't work things out. I guess he'll have to go back to playing a boring sport that no one fucking cares about, and she'll go back to sucking on every black cock within a 30 mile radius.

Fun While It Lasts...

My favorite part about that Extreme Home Makeover show is watching the happy reactions of the people who have their homes renovated, and then picturing how sad they'll look in two years when the IRS kicks them out of it for not being able to afford the taxes on the place.

White People VS. Not Being Fucking Dorks

Loss: White People

Black People VS. The Letter "S"

White Guy: Whose gum is this?

Black Guy: That gum is mines.

White Guy: How much did that gum cost?

Black Guy: 50 Cent.

White Guy: Are you doing that on purpose, or do you really not know?

Black Guy: What are you talking about?

White Guy's head explodes.

Top 10 Movies

Top 10 Movies of All Time:

1) Bijou Phillips gets raped by a bunch of Mexicans and/or Navajo Indians. Anne Hathaway was there, too. (Release date 2005)

2) Bijou Phillips gets raped by some kid while he watches gay porn. I don't know who else was in that one. (Release date 2001)

3-9) Other movies in which Bijou Phillips gets raped. (Release dates TBD)

10) The Passion of the Christ. Jesus is in this one. (Release date 2004)