Paula...Lean?

Kind of sad when your "new, slimmer look" results in you looking like a bloated carrot. Being less fat than you were six months ago, but still fat nonetheless, will score you no points with this Asshole.

Ash Wednesday

Happy Ash Wednesday, everyone. And just remember, the Catholic Church doesn't want you eating meat today. Sucking off a 12-year-old is fair game, as long as you buy his silence with a Filet-o-Fish sandwich.

Back to the Future Hoverboards Are Coming

So I did this post back in November:

http://forassholes.blogspot.com/2011/11/marty-mcantsinhispants.html

And now, it would appear that hoverboards will soon be a reality.

http://www.ology.com/screen/mattel-making-dreams-come-true-next-holiday-season/02132012 

Now let's just keep our fingers crossed that a cure for Parkinson's is next those little Domino's Pizzas that expand into big Domino's Pizzas are next!

Downs For The Count

The "Who's Nailin' Palin?" pornographic series is dangerous in the sense that it can encourage others to have sexual relations with the real Sarah Palin. I strongly advise against this. The last kid she made was retarded, and you know that bitch won't abort anything.

Home Alone Bone

If Jerry Sandusky ever sees this picture of Macaulay Culkin, it's going to ruin Home Alone 1 and 2 for him.

Super Bowl Results

"These Super Bowl thingies are really hard to win when you're not allowed to cheat..."

-Bill Belichick

"If there are any two-time Super Bowl winning quarterbacks that deserve to rape college chicks in bathrooms, it's Eli Manning. His wife is cross-eyed."

-Parker James

"Lady Gaga looked old as shit last night."

-16 year olds

These Olympics ARE Special!

I was at Dulles International last week when I happened upon this poster for the Special Olympics. For anyone keeping score, this goalie is:

1) Fat
2) Black
3) Androgynous
4) Retarded

As if a black person playing hockey wasn't enough of a statement...

Your move, Enterline Foundation.

Teacher of the Year

Mark Berndt fed 3rd grade students his semen. All my 3rd grade teacher ever did was teach me cursive. Like THAT was going to prepare me for real life...