Ferry Handjobs

Every time I spill my hot chocolate, I have to jerk off. Thanks a lot, Dolores Claiborne.

Nickelbitch

My God. They're getting married. If there ever was a couple likely to spawn the Anti-Christ, it'd be these two talentless cunts.

If they do make a kid, this will be the lyrics to Nickelback's next single:

You're a baby,
I don't mean maybe.
Your Mom had you.
I did, too.
My band's real good.
Those trees are wood.

Chorus:

I love you
You know it's true
You're my kid
I'm glad I did
Avril Lavigne
Some plants are green

And here's Avirl's next single:

OMG, I'm wearing a tie with this t-shirt you guys! Thanks to all my fans and God. LOL!

Nananananananananananananananana BATMAN!

You think that guy shot up that Colorado movie theater during the Dark Knight Rises midnight show because black people were talking during the movie?

Camping Without the Camp

The Boy Scouts of America recently reaffirmed their ban on homosexuals. That should be a huge relief to parents who want to have their sons raped on camping trips by good, honest, straight, Christian men instead of learning knot-tying and archery from those sinful queers.

Africa's Next Top Model

 

Thin is in. You look fantastic! Quit pouting, you little cunt.

RIP, You Sick Fuck

Sad news, Assholes. Dennis Flemion of the Frogs is dead. In his honor, we should all write a song about raping his dead, cold, bloated body, but saving the ejaculation for the face of the retarded 11 year-old girl we have chained up in our basement. He would have wanted it that way.

Therapy

When life hands you lemons, stab and kill a homeless. You'll feel so much better. And killing a homeless isn't killing a person because they're poor and homeless.