Everyone's A Critic

I give Roger Ebert two thumbs down for his battle with cancer, but two thumbs up for his Howdy Doody Halloween costume.

Grammar Nazi

If you're one of those people that say "I could care less" when trying to convey apathy, then I couldn't care less if someone stabs you in your fucking face.

Contingency Plan

If the government ever shuts down internet porn, I can always go back to setting up a camera on the ball pit at a Chuck E. Cheese, so I'm not too worried.

Nailed It

If Phillip Seymour Hoffman wasn't famous, he'd be that one adult wearing sweatpants in the electronics department of a Wal-Mart playing the Nintendo DS on display. And he'd have a fanny pack full of lottery tickets.

Nice Try

Miranda Lambert refers to herself as curvy. Wrong bitch.

Beyonce is curvy.

You're fat.

And Mindy Mccready is dead!

Whaaaaat?!

Amy Winehouse died from excessive alcohol consumption you guys! CNN just released an article about it yesterday. In other news, a lot of people train their dogs to pee and poop outside. Also, the summer is warmer than the winter. More news to follow.

Just Saying...

I'd like to fuck a pocket pussy (or any synthetic vagina, really) at least once before I die. Also, the Feast of the Immaculate Conception is coming up.